Then all the women, like painted skeletons, marched across the world. Standing on daggers, shrouded in black, barely recognizable in a sea of dark and frail figures. Huddle together by the billions. Marching, migrating, birthing, serving, wasting away. A force so beautiful, large, captivating, sharp and confusing that like a wave they crash on the shore of men and are swept away, faster than the jagged rocks can cling back on to them. 

The space between the nucleus of an atom and it’s revolving electrons is the distance between an apple sitting on a football field and the nosebleed seats. That space is nothing. Completely void of matter. We are made up of atoms. Therefore we are more nothing than we are something. Thats what I’m taking away from today’s lecture. I am more void of anything than I am made up of anything…

Listened to Casiotone on the drive to school. Sat in the parking lot for a half an hour because I was so early. During class couldn’t take notes fast enough. My pages of notes when I read them back are complete gibberish. Not even full sentences. They’ll be useless for my assignments.

Sat outside of yoga and watched an asian guy in grey sweats and a tank top do pirouettes to himself in the reflection of the office window. He does this there every wednesday and I always watch him. 

Went to the cafeteria and got an awful chicken caesar wrap. I ate half of half of it. Read my horoscope while not eating and it tells me to take my most recent labor of love so slowly that it may “rot”. Interesting. That sounds like bad advice.

Drank a mate and attempted the crossword. Didn’t write anything in. Crosswords are easier when done with a partner. The mate gives me energy that I’d lost during yoga’s “corpse pose”. I’m a corpse until I finish my tea. Can’t stop thinking about that cigarette I’ll smoke on the drive home in 4 hours. Two hours to kill until lab. My lab group is entirely composed of boys so high I have to ask all questions twice. They are all very nice. 

I’ll listen to casiotone on the drive home too if my cell phone battery lasts. You have a job now. You told me today. I wish you went to school with me here. I can’t wait for that cigarette on the drive home. I wish the man sitting two tables away from me wasn’t eating cheddar sun chips. The smell is making me sick. 

This time last year I was in the same place. Heartbroken and alone. Waiting for the death of a family member. Without my best friend. Here’s to the future right?